The hierarchy of universes

Feeling frustrated with myself

2026-07-26

I've been feeling very frustrated with my own difficulties with sticking to things, staying focused. I am, unfortunately, really cliched AuDHD but also farther on the "autism spectrum" than a lot of people who use that term mean it.

I have become, in many years of educational work, learned to be funny and charming and personable but it costs me so much. I feel so worn down by it that I'm just staring off into space with my head hurting the next morning after multiple days in a row of doing it.

That's why I can do the job I do is that I try to arrange so I don't have to teach on consecutive days and I don't go out and see friends very often in person and then I can function. But I've been trying to do more than that and, well, the "feeling disabled" is very hard on me.

I don't like feeling like I have that whole "never had a real chance" situation going on, that I was never going to amount to anything because I was born too damaged to be a Real Academic.